Monday, July 20, 2009

The many flaws of Twilight.

Its time for you twilight crazy fans to get a small dose of realty, your beloved "Twilight" is incredibly flawed. So instead of letting the Internet being purely pro-Twilight i think its time a certain blog went right ahead and list them all. Using the magic that is the Internet and my own brains i have made the ultimate list of... Twilight flaws.Que the death threats....... NOW!

1) Sperm are living cells that need to be reproduced. If you have been dead for a hundred years such as Edward Cullen your sperm would be LONG dead. Also sperm needs protein, something Edwards body has no need for. If Edward has no sperm, how did he conceive Renessme?

2) 23 and 24 chromosomes does not produce a healthy off spring. Nessie either had a genetic disorder would of died.

3) If Jasper shouldn't of been around people why did he go to school. The Cullen family lived in the middle of no where. I'm sure they could find somewhere to hide him! Its not like they HAD to go to school.

4) Carlisle was hiding in the London sewers in the 1700’s … London didn’t have sewers in the 1700’s

5) The whole dam 4 books is " I love you", "But I'm a monster", " I still love you", " Yeah, still a monster.... ". Gawd I think we all get the picture!!!!

6)There love is based purely on looks. She loves him for his perfect facial features and impossibly captivating eyes and he likes her cause she smells good. Not once its " oh i love him cause he makes me laugh" or " I love her personality". Guys its lust not love.

7) Stephanie Meyer must of read the thesaurus till she learnt it buy heart cause in breaking dawn i swear she used every possible symomen for the word "said".

8) Edward Cullen is a pedophile!! How would you like to be hit on and stalked by a 100 + man when your only 17? Well put a mask on it and bam you have Edward Cullen and his controlling, emotionally unstable behavior. Its quite sick. I fear for my gender's future, for what they're learning about love and relationships through this series. The fact that Bella and Edward's obsessive relationship is painted as "true love is quite disturbing.

9) The fans!!!! There crazy. They get sucked into this and some do some pretty weird things. I cant be the only one who's seen the hundreds of Twilight tattoo's there are out there. That shit is there FOREVER man and some people have full on paragrapths on their backs from the book.

10) Thanks to ,http://otahyoni.livejournal.com/130432.html, number 10 is the The Catalog.

Number of Pages in the Book: 498
The First Hint of a Plot that Is Not Bella and Edward's Romance: page 328
When the Plot Actually Arrives: page 372
Boys that Totally Love Bella (Including Edward Cullen): 5
Approximate Amount of Time Bella and Edward are Romantically Involved Before Bella Is Begging Edward to Turn Her into a Vampire so They Can Be Together Forever: Like, two weeks. Maybe three. The time line's a bit fuzzy.
References to Edward's Beauty: 165
Broken Down into the following categories -
Face: 24 (Favorite adjectives: glorious, heavenly, seraphic)
Voice: 20
Eyes: 17
Movement: 11
Smile: 10
Teeth: 8
Muscles: 7
Skin: 7 (Note: This only contains accounts of Edward's skin being beautiful. I didn't count references to it as "pale," "cold," or "white." If I had, this number would be about ten times larger.)
Iron Strength or Limbs: 5
Breath: 4 (EVEN HIS BREATH IS AMAZING.)
Scent: 4
Laughter: 3
Handwriting: 2
Chest: 2
Driving Skills: 1
The Number of Times...
Bella Is Clumsy or Makes a Reference to Her Clumsiness: 26
Bella Sneers at Forks or Its Inhabitants: 22
Bella is "Dazzled" or Rendered Speechless by Edward's Beauty or Touch: 17
Edward Tells Bella to Stay Away from Him While Completely Contradicting Himself with His Behavior: 16
Bella is Utterly Desolate at Edward's Absence: 12
Edward and Bella Kiss: 8
Bella's Hormones Get the Better of Her and She Attacks Edward, Almost Causing Him to Eat Her: 2 (She's not even allowed to kiss him back! Where's the fun in that?)
Edward's Kiss Makes Bella Faint: 1
Edward's Kiss Makes Bella's Heart Literally Stop: 1
Bella Thinks She Isn't Good Enough for Edward: 6
Edward Is Referred to As Godlike: 5 (Note: This number might be off, as I didn't start counting until three or four mentions in.)
Edward Tells Bella She's Unnatural: 5
Edward Sparkles: 3
Bella is in Mortal Danger: 3
Edward Saves Bella from Mortal Danger: 3
Edward Stalks Bella, For Real: 2 (Note: One of these instances involves watching her sleep every night for, like, months.)
Bella says "Holy Crow!": 2
Bella and Edward Argue About Who Loves the Other Most: 1
Edward's Inability to Read Bella's Mind is Explained: 0

11) The names are plain STUPID! ie. Bella Swan = Beautiful Swan. Anyone else think thats lame??

Want more ?? Just google it. The whole twilight serious is just WRONG and I'm not the only one who thinks so.

2 comments: